What We Do In The Shadows can be a bit of a tease at times. The show’s short-term storytelling is some of the best, and the swiftest, in all of TV, with individual episodes jumping from plot point to absurd plot point as quickly as its writers and stars can spew them out. Hand that same crew a bit of season-long narrative content, though, and one of TV’s fleetest comedies gets sluggish way faster than you might expect
Which is to say that “The Roast”—which goes in hard on the fifth season’s Guillermo-focused myth arc—is a funny and effective episode in the short term (with a fantastic central performance from regular guest star Doug Jones), but basically inert in the long. Which wouldn’t be half so frustrating if the show wasn’t constantly invoking the language and tropes of serialized storytelling to create an illusion of something a bit more meaty, before dipping back to the exact same “Nandor acts like he knows Guillermo’s secret but he’s just being an idiot” joke that finished out “Urgent Care.”
But we’re tackling this backwards, so let’s rewind: The Vampire Residence is up in arms this week over Laszlo, who seems to be trapped in an inescapable funk. (In one of the episode’s best exchanges, Nadja asserts that “We are down to like only 16 fucks a week!” with Nandor chiming in with “We are down to just 3.” The best touch is Nadja reaching out a hand to him in saddened solidarity.) Everyone in the house assumes it’s because of their own particular stressors taking their toll on Lasz, whether it’s Nadja’s hex, Guillermo’s slow transformation into a vampire, or, in a very funny callback, Colin Robinson revealing that he’s been having bizarre dreams of Laszlo being his daddy. (“Oh, that is actually because that did happen, Colin Robinson.” “I think I would remember Laszlo wiping my bottom.”) After a very short run-up, everyone decides that the best solution possible is to organize The Roast Of Laszlo Cravensworth, inviting everyone they know—most importantly, Jones’ Baron Afanas—to get in on the fun.
A weird thing about “The Roast,” though, is that The Roast itself isn’t really either the point or the episode’s highlight. WWDITS isn’t exactly a show where the characters make jokes as jokes—and if they do, it’s usually to set them up to look silly—and watching Nandor, Nadja, and Colin work through the mechanics of awkwardly roasting a nigh-comatose Laszlo, tossing out “You Might Be A Laszlo Cravensworth” gags, and Colin’s typically painful butchering of The Aristocrats, isn’t as fun as it seems like it should be. (Ironically, it’s not hard to imagine Matt Berry absolutely killing this stuff; “The Roast” suffers a bit, throughout, by having a basic premise that neuters so many of Berry’s comedic gifts.)
Things only pick up once The Guide—who gets to talk in this one and everything—spills a whole bunch of secrets to Afanas, including the fact that Guillermo is the one who accidentally burnt him up in the pilot, and that he’s got that pesky Van Helsing blood lurking in his veins. Afanas promptly flips out, wrecking the roast, going on the hunt, and reminding us for a few minutes that this guy—and vampires as a whole, in this universe—can be genuinely scary when they’re not out playing Suburb Dads to a flaming poop-dispensing hellhound.
The episode’s best scenes come from that ensuing confrontation, first as Afanas stalks Guillermo around The Residence and then after, when the two of them both get captured by the rest of the crew and are forced to resolve things fang to fang. Jones is genuinely great in these scenes, mixing Afanas’ charm and menace in unpredictable and enjoyable ways, while Harvey Guillén is good as ever as a voice of reason. (Guillén, Jones, and Kayvan Novak do a great job of tapping in to the episode’s more heartfelt moments amidst the violence.) We also get some ace and grotesque visuals, as Afanas dumps a dead Guillermo on the foyer carpet—only for Laszlo to reveal, via an on-the-rug autopsy, that it’s one of the Frog-Gizmos (and a pregnant one, at that). It’s all humming along nicely, with that blend of heart, horror, and humor that this show can easily whip up when it’s in top form.
The upshot is that “The Roast” absolutely works—in a vacuum. It’s only when viewed as part of a piece of lightly serialized storytelling that certain elements start to grate, especially the frequent, insistent reminders that Nandor will kill Guillermo, and then himself, when he finds out the truth—which he’s clearly not going to do until the last possible moment of the season. The fact that Laszlo’s depression turns out to have nothing to do with all this season-arc bullshit feels like at least a wink to how silly caring about the long-term plot on this show is. But that doesn’t make the repetition any less of a drag, or make us wish for a show that would stop teasing and just apply its same bold principles to its long-form storytelling as it does to its hilarious, shocking in-the-moment work.
Stray observations
- While Nadja tries to lure Laszlo back with sex, Nandor appeals to his love of history and mansplaining, asking him to explain the difference between old British warships. (For the record, an Endymion-class frigate was significantly bigger than a brigantine, sporting three masts to the brigantine’s two. Never let it be said that reading parentheticals didn’t teach you anything.)
- “Look what I found! A big box of ships and pornography!”
- “We’ve known each other for so many years. We can practically finish each other’s handjobs.”
- Even Afanas, in full anti-human diatribe, is a fan of Sean.
- A sad, funny beat: when Nandor points out the bit of vampire myth that says they’ll die if Guillermo kills Afanas, since they’re descend from him, with Nadja replying, “Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if we ended up dying?” She’s been going through a lot lately.
- “It’s like he doesn’t even want this to be resolved…by my killing him…”
- “And a flat Pepsi for Guillermo.”
- We do get one good Laszlo “If you’ll excuse meyyyy,” at least.
- Laszlo, autopsying Frog-Guillermo: “Does he have an amphibious eggsac?”
Nadja: “Maybe?”
Nandor: “He never said… I never asked.”
Colin: “He wore a lot of layers.” - “At this point, we are more like roommates than roommates who viciously murder humans together.”
- “To be a vampire is my dream. But to be your familiar will be my honor. Thank you for this opportunity.” Aww…
- The visual of the Baron flushing one of the frogs down the toilet with a sad “so it goes” expression is a delight.
- Obviously, the actual answer is to order alphabetically by subject, but who are we to say?
