The Real L Word aired on Showtime from 2010 to 2012. It was one of the first reality television series to follow the lives of a group of lesbian and bisexual women who lived in Los Angeles. The original cast starred me, Jill Goldstein who was my fiancé at the time, Tracy Ryerson, Rose Garcia, Whitney Mixter and Mikey Koffman.
With a successful career behind the lens in entertainment, I’m often asked why Jill and I chose to put our lives on camera. The answer is simple: Seeing relatable stories and experiences on television can be validating and empowering.
As our narrative in the series was about wedding planning (which was legally unrecognized and unlawful in 2010 in California), we told our story to be seen and heard, to be visible outside of our community, to normalize our love for one another as no different than a traditional union between a man and a woman. When I asked Jill’s father for permission to marry Jill back in 2009, prior to our inclusion in the series, it startled him. He told me, “This is not the dream I had for my daughter.”
It was at that moment that Jill and I made the decision to participate in The Real L Word. We hoped that our story would touch a parent struggling to accept their child’s sexuality or those struggling to accept themselves. Jill’s father became our biggest supporter when he realized how truly happy she was, while putting his fears of what others thought aside. It was our mission to then use our small platform selflessly for good, providing a source of inspiration and empowerment for the community.
The Real L Word undeniably played a role in furthering LGBTQIA+ representation and sparking important conversations within and outside of the community. I hope the series contributed to the ongoing progress toward greater visibility, acceptance, and understanding. While the show had its fair share of criticism — such as a lack of diversity in the cast, stereotypical portrayals and lack of authenticity — our relationship was not without controversy either. We were deemed “too heteronormal” by our own lesbian community. Our community also questioned whether we were just cast for TV. Lesbians criticized Jill’s commitment to me, as she was exploring her sexual fluidity, and they swore she would eventually return to dating men. Well I’m happy to report that we are still together, 15 years and two children later. And in lesbian years that’s more like 35. Take that naysayers!
Mikey Koffman, Whitney Mixter, producer Ilene Chaiken, Jill Goldstein, Nikki Weiss and Rose Garcia attend the premiere of Showtime’s ‘The Real L Word’ in 2010.
Angela Weiss/Getty Images
We recently reunited with The Real L Word cast, the first time we were all together in the same room in more than 10 years. We came together for Stand Up To Cancer, in honor of Rose Garcia, who is battling ovarian cancer. I was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer in 2013. After treatment, I continue to have no evidence of disease, so to be able to support my fellow sister through her own cancer journey was very emotional.
At lunch we all discussed just how far both society and Hollywood has moved the needle of acceptance and inclusion since our show aired 13 years ago. But, we asked, has it been enough?
There have been significant strides. Marriage is now legal on a federal and state level (Jill and I legally wed in 2013) and more than 30 countries have legalized same-sex marriage. We also have growing support in allies through various organizations, while many public figures are starting to come out of the closet.
As more people are accepting or becoming educated about our issues and standing up for our rights, we continue to have to battle against fearmongering legislation like deeming drag shows as dangerous and destructive or laws that aim to restrict or prohibit the discussion of LGBTQIA+ issues in schools. And don’t get me started about women’s reproductive issues being walked back to the 1960’s. That’s a whole other op-ed.
The truth is, we need Hollywood to make a bigger commitment, advocating for accurate and positive portrayals of LGBTQ+ individuals on TV and in film. How can The L Word (2004-2008) — the scripted Showtime series created by Ilene Chaiken that inspired our doc series The Real L Word — still be one of only a handful of significant shows in TV history centered on the lives of lesbian women? The spin off The L Word Generation Q tried to pick up where it left off many years later, but it didn’t quite hit the mark and was recently cancelled. I’m sure you heard the lesbian cries from around the world.
Hollywood must stand behind diverse storytelling that reflects our realities, experiences and current landscape, breaking stereotypes. These stories need to be told by writers and showrunners within the LGBTQIA+ community because when you write from what you know there’s an authenticity that can’t be denied. And buyers, please don’t tell a creator in a pitch that you already have a “gay” show in development and can’t move forward with another series depicting these “kinds of characters.” What does that even mean? There are countless procedural dramas about hospitals, numerous shows about police forces, a legion of shows about lawyers and murderers and rich families … I could go on and on.
Visibility matters in front of and behind the lens. It plays a crucial role in driving social and political change. When we are vocal it puts pressure on society and policymakers to address issues of equality, discrimination and human rights, leading to legislative changes, policy reform, and societal shifts toward greater acceptance and inclusion.
We’ve come a long way since our series aired in 2010, but let’s be real (no pun intended), we still have a lot of work to do.
Lastly, Hello Sunshine, if you’re reading this, call me. Let’s revisit that pitch.
Nikki Weiss-Goldstein, the founder of Nikki Weiss & Co., is an agent and strategic liaison for feature film, episodic and commercial directors. She marries brands and advertising agencies with her top-tier creative roster of filmmaking talent. She resides in Los Angeles with her wife Jill, sons Adler and Grey, and puppy Remington.
