The “Mission: Impossible” franchise is one of life’s greatest goofy pleasures. The seventh movie, “Mission: Impossible — Dead Reckoning Part One” — one of the most anticipated movies of summer 2023 — hits theatres July 12, which gave me the perfect excuse to rewatch the six movies in the franchise
Here’s my highly personal — and slightly controversial — ranking of the series so far.
6. “Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation” (2015)
The Syndicate, led by stern little mole person Solomon Lane (Sean Harris), causes enough mischief to result in the Impossible Mission Force (IMF) being decommissioned. Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) receives the help of Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson), a mystery woman with killer fighting skills.
Director trademark: Christopher McQuarrie is primarily interested in enabling Tom’s deeply unhealthy and wonderfully entertaining obsession with topping his bonkers “Mission: Impossible” stunts. This time, Tom Cruise both dangles beneath a helicopter and flies the damn thing, for real.
Zaniest set-piece: A slightly out-of-it Ethan — who just, y’know, briefly died during an underwater mission — drags hapless field agent Benji (Simon Pegg) along for a rip-roaring car chase through the streets of Casablanca.
Coolest gadget: A gun made out of a flute is quite trilling (sorry).
Most unhinged moment: Ethan is too late to get into the plane carrying the nerve gas so he just jumps onto the plane. And did Tom do this IRL? What do you think?!
Is there running? He has to get on the outside of that plane somehow!
Tom Cruise’s hair: “I’m too busy stopping assassinations at the opera to get regular haircuts.”
5. “Mission: Impossible II” (2000)
A deadly virus has been stolen and Ethan is called on to recruit a wise-ass thief Nya (Thandiwe Newton) to help him get it back, “Notorious”-style.
Director trademark: John Woo’s constant slow-motion shots. (Seriously, you could make a drinking game out of how often he slows down the celluloid for dramatic effect.)
Zaniest set-piece: Ethan and Nya have a sick car-chase-slash-make-out. (More slow-motion; take a drink.)
Coolest gadget: This instalment features a truly ludicrous amount of dramatic mask reveals, so if these are your favourite recurring “Mission: Impossible” bits, this is the sequel for you.
Most unhinged moment: Two motorcycles crashing into each other head on.
Is there running? This is a less ambulatory instalment, but there is a precious moment when Ethan blows a hole in the wall of a skyscraper and leaps out of it.
Tom Cruise’s hair: The longest mane of the franchise.
4. “Mission: Impossible III” (2006)
Ethan tries to settle down with a cute nurse (Michelle Monaghan), but is drawn back into a life of spycraft when his old boss needs help taking down a terrifying arms dealer played by a slumming — but always brilliant — Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Director trademark: J.J. Abrams creates a lighter, jokey tone helped along with a sprightly Michael Giacchino score.
Zaniest set-piece: Ethan and team (including Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Maggie Q, making their only series appearances) must smuggle the arms dealer out of a Vatican cocktail party, complete with body doubles and car explosions.
Coolest gadget: The villain is constantly jamming explosive devices up people’s noses. Ouch.
Most unhinged moment: Ethan runs up the Vatican City wall via some kind of rappelling rope device, rolls on top of the wall, looks directly into the camera and says, “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.” Yes, actually.
Is there running? There a 30-second-long tracking shot of Ethan just booking it through a crowded market. (We timed it.)
Tom Cruise’s hair: Back to a shorter crop, as befitting a mid-level government employee and sweet undercover Virginia family man.
3. “Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol” (2011)
Someone blew up the Kremlin and they’re blaming it on Ethan! He and his pals must track down the baddie and stop a nuclear war. Agent Jane Carter (Paula Patton) and Benji are along for the ride, plus surly pencil-pusher William Brandt (Jeremy Renner). Bonus: the terrifying shark calm of Léa Seydoux, an assassin paid in diamonds.
Director trademark: The movie opens with a lighthearted Russian jailbreak set to Dean Martin’s “Ain’t Love a Kick in the Head,” which sums up Brad Bird’s whimsical sensibilities.
Zaniest set-piece: The team must intercept a nuclear codes drop, which involves Ethan crawling on the outside of the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world. The sequence is edited more tightly than Hitchcock.
Coolest gadget: The climbing gloves Ethan wears to scale 10 floors straight up.
Most unhinged moment: Ethan and Benji dress up as Russian officers and set up a portable video screen to hide their entrance into a Kremlin vault.
Is there running? Ethan zips through a full-blown sandstorm in pursuit of an antagonist.
Tom Cruise’s hair: Longish, luxe and living la vida layers.
2. “Mission: Impossible — Fallout” (2018)
Ethan must track down a suitcase of plutonium, so that it doesn’t fall into the hands of assassin cabal the Apostles. He’s also saddled with hulking buzzkill August Walker (Henry Cavill) from the CIA.
Zaniest set-piece: Ethan and Agent Walker pair up to beat the living daylights out of a rogue operative in a pristine white Paris club bathroom, leading to the now iconic moment of Walker “cocking” his fists pre-fight. Glorious!
Most unhinged moment: The only way to bust into France undetected? Why, a HALO jump out of an airplane, of course. At sunset.
Is there running? This film features an extended sequence of Ethan sprinting over London rooftops at top Cruise-ing speed, culminating in a moment when he actually snaps his ankle in half on the side of a building. Like a champ, he walks it off, all of which is captured on film and used in the final cut. (I love it.)
Tom Cruise’s hair: It’s settled into a sensible older-man cut: not too much pizzazz, but not shorn short, either. Elder statesman vibes.
1. “Mission: Impossible” (1996)
Grandfatherly handler Jim Phelps (Jon Voight) runs a team of undercover agents, including handsome superspy/sentient grin Ethan, his suspiciously gorgeous French wife (Emanuelle Béart) and a jolly team of sassy operatives (fun cameos REDACTED). Things go awry when they try to prevent a valuable list of secret-agent names from getting out in the open. Canadian treasure and human hound-dog Henry Czerny is, as usual, the fun police.
Director trademark: Brian De Palma brings the zany close-ups, ominous music, and plenty of twists and turns, plus a frisson of sexual tension between Ethan and the suspiciously gorgeous French wife.
Zaniest set-piece: Ethan descends into a security vault from the ceiling, instantly creating one of the series’ most beloved trademarks.
Coolest gadget: Chewing gum that doubles as an explosive? Yum.
Is there running? Ethan must escape a giant wall of water filled with fish. (The stunt was dangerous enough in real life that De Palma worried Cruise might not survive it.)
Most unhinged moment: What’s cooler than a chase atop a speeding bullet train? A chase atop a speeding bullet train inside a tunnel with a helicopter trying to kill you at the same time!
Tom Cruise’s hair: An almost military-esque haircut: smooth, aerodynamic — and very nineties.
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