Of all the great cultural debates in our time, few rival that of Big versus Aidan. It’s ketchup versus mayo. A blue dress versus a gold one. Jack versus that damn door.
Even if you’re not familiar with Sex and the City and the two great loves of its heroine, Carrie Bradshaw, chances are you’ve heard of them. Perhaps you’ll be familiar with Aidan’s turquoise rings, his cabin in the countryside, or the moment he asked Carrie to rub his belly after eating too much fried chicken. If you’re a Big supporter, you might recall his city-slicking overcoats, that garish red wall in his bedroom, or the way he purred, “Get in, Kid,” from inside his car on Carrie’s 35th birthday.
Deciding whether you’re on Team Aidan or Team Big is an integral part of the Sex and the City fan experience. But it’s also so much more than that. Because whichever way you go will tell you a lot about yourself. It might explain some of your romantic choices. Your attachment style. And how traumatized you are by your childhood. Or maybe that’s just me.
As a journalist and author who writes about relationships, has a sex column, and spends a significant amount of money on shoes against her better judgment, I have been told that my life looks a little like Carrie’s. Given the number of times that character has been ruthlessly assassinated over the years (the tag “Carrie Bradshaw worst” has more than 993 million views on TikTok), I’m not sure that’s a compliment. What I do know is that we are both writers and only one of us can afford to rent a studio flat in Manhattan filled with pairs of Manolo Blahniks.
Sex writing and shoe shopping aside, if there’s anything I’ve got in common with TV’s most polarising columnist, it’s that, in the end, she chooses Big. Because after years of watching the show and its subsequent films religiously, that’s the choice I always made too.
For a long time, I flew my Team Big flag with pride. Sure, he wasn’t always perfect. But he came to her rescue in Paris! He was her soulmate! Her person! Her lobster! And so on. Now, though, looking back on decisions I’ve made in my own love life, I feel like I might have made the wrong choice.
Let’s go back a little. Like I said, the Big versus Aidan debate is about much more than one man versus the other. They represent two archetypes of heterosexual masculinity. On one side, we have the brooding, arrogant and emotionally mercurial type that loves a romantic gesture but will also hide your existence from his mother and tell you off for embarrassing him at parties (Big). On the other, we have the sensitive, thoughtful, and consistently kind type that will shower you with love, revamp your entire apartment for fun, and take your friends to the hospital when you can’t make it (Aidan).
