“Saturday Night Live” might know its audience a little too well. Speculating in a mock commercial on Saturday that the Manhattan D.A.’s case against Donald Trump isn’t as airtight as it could be, the long-running sketch comedy series on NBC leveled with its viewers, joking that there’s a new meditation news app for people “whose entire personality is hating Donald Trump.” It’s called CNZen.
Host Molly Shannon even suited up as renowned New York Times reporter, CNN analyst and Trump critic Maggie Haberman to provide indictment-inspired ASMR for total relaxation through trying times.
“These days, it’s hard not to feel stressed out and overwhelmed. Sure, Trump got indicted. But now everyone says the case against him is weak and that he’ll never serve any jail time. As someone whose entire personality is hating Donald Trump, you need more,” the commercial began with cast member Ego Nwodim as narrator. “You need to feel calm and reassured. You need the newest meditation app: CNZen.”
Cast members Bowen Yang, Heidi Gardner and Andrew Dismukes were paired with the audio, shown stressfully doom-scrolling the day’s headlines, unable to find peace of mind.
The bit continued, offering them a breath of fresh air: “You want an app that suits even the most militant liberals with sensual details from Trump’s arrest, featuring your favorite CNN anchors and correspondents.”
“SNL” cast members were then rolled out playing CNN’s most prominent news personalities, including Michael Longfellow as Anderson Cooper, Devon Walker as Van Jones, Chloe Fineman as Dana Bash and, hilariously, Sarah Sherman in drag as Wolf Blitzer.
“Donald was all alone, no family or friends to support him. I shouldn’t say this as a journalist, but what a loser,” Sherman quipped, looking directly to camera.
That’s when Shannon’s impersonation of Haberman came in for the app’s sleep-soothe mode.
“This is his worst nightmare,” she cooed. “He’s really freaking out because now he knows there are consequences… consequences… consequences…”
Later in the commercial, Nwodim introduces the fictional app’s ASMR feature: “Trump’s next court appearance won’t be until at least December,” she said. “That’s why CNZen has a whole section of Trump indictment ASMR.”
“Can you hear him getting fingerprinted?” Shannon whispered, again spoofing Haberman. “I’m a D.A. opening his big, leather briefcase. Ohhh and the little gavel from the judge. I wonder if you’ll even hear… handcuffs.”
Elsewhere in the skit are James Austin Johnson as Lindsey Graham and Kenan Thompson as Manhattan D.A. Alvin Bragg — and it even goes on to satirically introduce the app’s audio erotica feature.
“CNZen: because you waited seven years for this indictment, and you want every delicious detail,” the commercial concludes. “In your mind, he’s already in jail.”
Watch the full “SNL” segment in the video above.
