Tonight was the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, a.k.a. “The one night of the year where people say hilarious things on C-SPAN on purpose.” After a brief interregnum that lasted the entirety of the last presidential administration and the more aggressively quarantined bits of this one, the event is back on the rise, with President Joe Biden on hand for the second straight year to be the subject of some semi-gentle roasting at the hands of Roy Wood Jr. (Wood, Taking over a spot filled last year by Trevor Noah, possibly as a way to continue giving some pointed hints to the universe about any other Noah-related vacancies that might be out there.)
And also: Danny DeVito was there! Well, kind of there: He popped up in an opening video from his old “twin” Arnold Schwarzenegger. They also played the It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia theme song, while a small horse tried to bite DeVito. Politics: Weird! The dinner also featured a video from two home renovators whose most interesting feature appears to be the fact that they’re brothers. So that’s fun.
President Joe Biden got up a bit later to give some very heartfelt commentary about the importance of the free press, and his commitment to bringing various imprisoned journalists, and other Americans, home from foreign prisons. It was very sweet and very sincere and there were no jokes for a long portion of it. Biden eventually set up the comedy section of his speech with an “I am very old” joke, before doing an extended “I am very old” runner. (He did get some good swings in on Marjorie Taylor Green and Elon Musk.) Biden also greeted the cable news networks: “NBC News owned by NBC Universal… Fox News owned by Dominion Voting Systems.” Then he made a “Dark Brandon” joke, which we were honestly not prepared for.
After the amateur hour concluded, Biden handed it over to Wood, who opened with an enthusiastic endorsement of Dominion Voting Systems. (“I ain’t gonna get sued!”) Wood got his first boos (and hardest hits) with a joke about asking people to stop criticizing having drag queens in schools: “What are you worried about, most of those kids are gonna get shot at school, anyway.” Followed by: “Don’t groan, pass legislation! Boos ain’t gonna bother me; I’m like Mitch McConnell, I ain’t got no soul.”
Wood also covered the Tucker Carlson firing, praising the now former Fox correspondent for “breaking the asshole ceiling” for “being the first Fox News employee to get fired only partially for how he treats women.” Wood then moved into Donald Trump: “Trump is the only person with so many scandals they get spinoffs on Disney+.” Wood also gave a quick, helpful explanation of tech terms: “Everyone can see Clarence Thomas. But he’s owned by Harlan Crow. That’s what an NFT is.”
After some riffs on Vice President Kamala Harris, Wood turned his attention to the assembled media, and its beloved paywalls: “Say what you want about a conspiracy theory, but at least it’s affordable.” Wood ended on a sincere note, talking about his mother (who was in attendance) and her work in the Civil Rights Movement, and the ways local journalists supported her.
