At first glance, Mia Arderne’s How to Stop Being a N**i may make some readers think twice before picking it up.
Open the book, and the language may prompt a second thought.
Written in Kaaps and peppered with profanity, the book can be jarring for more conservative readers. But as the story progresses, the language becomes an important part of its identity, reflecting how the characters speak, joke, insult and relate to one another.
A glossary at the beginning helps readers navigate the language before Arderne tackles another question: what exactly is a n**i?
Among the definitions are an inconsiderate person who lacks empathy and, more bluntly, “a k@k person”. Readers are even given space to add their own definitions or notes.
At the centre of the story is Lucian, a 45-year-old DJ, philanderer and drinker whose relationship is close to collapse. He is disillusioned with his job and remains attached to his glory days behind the decks.
Arderne describes Lucian as a “classic n**i” – someone who is inconsiderate, jealous, neglectful of his family and unfaithful.
Determined to change, Lucian becomes convinced that nine steps can help him put an end to his “niery”. This allows Arderne to have fun with the self-help genre through questionnaires, exercises and a typology of niers.
Readers are introduced to characters such as The Joller, The Deluxe n**i, The Baas and The Vark.
Some of the questions are distinctly Cape, asking readers whether they have arrived at a braai without their own drinks and food, returned someone’s car with an empty tank, under-tipped a waiter or driven too slowly in the fast lane.
The humour initially makes the questions easy to dismiss, but they gradually become more uncomfortable as they turn towards prejudice, relationships and the way people treat one another.
That is where the book becomes more than a foul-mouthed joke.
Another distinctive feature is the playlist accompanying each chapter. Songs including Bill Withers’ Lean on Me, Bill LaBounty’s Livin’ It Up and Karyn White’s Superwoman were selected to complement the chapters.
The music provides a change of rhythm and gives Lucian’s story a soundtrack.
His relationship with his father adds another serious layer as he confronts not only the person he has become, but some of the baggage that contributed to it.
Arderne says in a TikTok about the book that, “on a deeper level, n**iery is a measure of morality”.
That sentiment perhaps best captures what lies beneath the humour.
The profanity will not appeal to everyone, and at times the sheer volume of it can distract from the story. The self-help format can also feel heavily emphasised.
But Arderne achieves something unexpected: she makes the reader participate.
The definitions, questions and exercises repeatedly shift the focus away from Lucian and towards the reader’s own behaviour.
The book has already generated curiosity, with several newsroom colleagues waiting to read a copy.
Arderne says there is “a bit of a n**i in all of us”.
Perhaps that is precisely why the book is proving so difficult to ignore.
IOL
