As Ali joined Kelly on stage, Kelly made it a point to ask how Ali’s two daughters, now 5 and 7, are doing before getting into “Beef.” Kelly also has two children: an 8-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old son.
While they talked about getting their kids to behave, Kelly asked Ali if her kids travel with her while goes on tour for her stand-up performances. “‘Cause I’ve done the kid-traveling-on-tour thing and it’s hard,” Kelly added.
After confirming that she does, in fact, bring her kids on tour with her and that it is hard, Ali revealed that she also brings her 83-year-old mother along to help watch them.
Though Kelly called it a smart move, Ali pointed out that she has to pay the “grandma tax,” including unsolicited parenting advice from her mother and criticism about her parenting. “That’s super fun,” Kelly joked.
“That’s super fun, but it’s free,” Ali commented, more seriously acknowledging that it was worth it and, because of her mother’s age, this may be her last opportunity to join the family on tour. “And it’s also so fun for her — with grandkids? That’s got to be so cool,” Kelly pointed out. Ali agreed, noting that it’s fun for her kids, too.
Ali then mentioned it was interesting to talk to Kelly about touring with kids because there aren’t many other stand-up comics who travel with their children — namely because they’re mostly male comics whose kids generally stay home with their wives.
When Ali joked that they don’t have wives to care for their kids while on tour, Kelly agreed and revealed she depends on her nanny: “No, I know. A lot of male musicians don’t either. I have a — I call her my sister-wife — my nanny.”
“I wouldn’t be able to,” Kelly continued. “Because when you’re on stage, there’s no one to watch your children. So you have to have someone watch them.”
Agreeing with Kelly, Ali then asked for any tips for going on the road with kids.
Opening up about her own experiences, Kelly spoke candidly: “Honestly, I had to let go [of] a lot of the guilt.” She explained that because she traveled with her dogs prior to having kids, she decided to bring both of her dogs and her children on tour before realizing, “This is a horrible decision,” and leaving her dogs home.
Kelly actually only lasted for two weeks on tour with her dogs and children, she revealed, before sending her dogs home — though she felt bad because they were used to being with her while she toured rather than home without her.
“It’s very hard,” Kelly continued. “But I found I had to let go of the guilt, and I had help on the road, and I had to say, ‘Guys, I can hang with y’all all night after Mommy’s done.’ But I don’t go on stage — you don’t go on stage — until late at night, so I had to sleep in or my voice would be wrecked. And all those people pay their hard-earned money to not watch you suck.”
Because of that, Kelly had to explain her tour schedule to her children — especially since when she’s not on tour, she’s actively part of their daily routine. “I mean, I dropped them off at school this morning and I come to work, it’s a normal thing,” Kelly said. “But when you’re on the road, you’re on stage so late that you have to change your hours.”
“And then it’s like, ‘I’m not reading to you anymore,'” Ali said. “That time is done. We’re putting that on pause.”
“When they give me crap, I’m like, ‘Remember that video I sent you with Ariana Grande talking to you? Yeah, I don’t want to hear it.’ I’m like, ‘No kid gets that,'” Kelly laughed, before reflecting, “It is hard though, and I do see why most men leave [their] children at home, ’cause it’s not easy for them either. It’s not easy for you to do that work on the road and also be a great, present parent.”
The two women then discussed how it gets harder for parents to bring children with them while traveling for work as the kids get older because school starts and things become bigger and more important — like missing a friend’s birthday party, Ali noted.
Though challenging, Kelly and Ali also recognized the benefits of bringing their kids on tour, such as exposing them to new environments and enabling them to meet new people. And as parents, they joked that they don’t have to go to the same museum, science center, aquarium, or even park over and over again. “See a different albino alligator, you know?” Ali laughed.
Ultimately, while the nature of Kelly and Ali’s jobs affords them perks like personalized videos from fellow celebrities and exploring new places, the crux of their conversation touches upon the reality of many working parents and, in particular, working moms who travel for work.
On top of missing out on normal routines with their children and needing childcare while they work, both women struggled with the “mom guilt” that results from the working mom dilemma. As author and journalist Amy Westervelt succinctly summed up in her book Forget Having It All, “We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.”
Clearly, despite their celebrity status and resources, even objectively successful women like Kelly and Ali feel “mom guilt,” and it’s refreshing to hear them openly talk about it. This is, at large, a societal problem. So, if you’re also a working mom, just remember the next time you’re feeling guilty, if it’s any consolation, that it’s not you and that you’re not alone.
Have you experienced mom guilt? Or did you watch your own mother or women in your life struggle with it? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below.
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