You may also find that whispering about how touch feels or being forward with what you want enhances what you’re experiencing in the moment. To work up the courage to be more forward, take some time to practice dirty talk on your own. “Practice saying words and phrases you like out loud on your own in front of the mirror, make it personalized (don’t use general terms but make it specific to the person), and then you are ready to go,” says Kova. “Just be patient with yourself in this learning process. It may be new and so it may feel funny for some time, but with practice, you will feel more free and confident to use it to spice up your life.”
3. Get icy.
We’re not talking about the old cliché blow job tip of popping an ice cube in your mouth before going down on your partner. (Though if that does it for you, by all means go for it!) Ice cubes are the cheapest sex toy around, because it allows you to experiment with hot and cold sensations that can make for an exciting sensory session. Try trailing the ice cube over your partner’s body when things get steamy for a chillingly good sensation.
4. Send a racy text.
Be as brave as your vocabulary permits. You can send a simple, suggestive message—“I can’t wait to touch you tonight,” for example—or something more bold, such as a step-by-step guide to what you’ll do to them the second they walk through the door.
5. Tie them up.
Maybe you’ve backed off the idea of bondage because buying handcuffs or other restraints feels a little too unfamiliar for you. If that’s the case, beginners should try something a little more subtle in the BDSM world, like a tie or scarf. You might surprise yourself—these simple items can open up a world of BDSM sex positions.
You can start by playfully wrapping it around their wrists and securing them to a chair before going down on them. Or, if you want a more submissive role, ask your partner if they’d like to tie you to the headboard and have their way with you. We’re guessing you’re going to get a resounding yes.
6. Use a blindfold.
In terms of kinky things to try, you can’t get much better than the simplicity and thrill of incorporating a blindfold. You can take that same tie from above and use it as a blindfold, shielding your partner’s eyes from your next moves and lightly tickling them, or taking away your own sight while he or she goes to town on your body.
When you block off one sense, your body intensifies its others. Touch will feel extra electric and surprising during these sex acts—just make sure you have a safe word established in case you become too overwhelmed.
7. Nibble and bite.
Nibbling and biting during sex is a sign of passion. It’s a little naughty and a lot hot—the perfect way to show how turned on you are. While you’re making out, test the waters for the first time to see whether your partner is okay with a little teeth by gently nibbling on their lip. You can also gently drag your teeth over your partner’s shoulders in between sensual open-mouth kisses on their skin.
8. Try ultra-relaxing foreplay.
Two words for you: naked massage. In these stressful times, we could all use some extra TLC, so offer your partner a sensual massage. For this foreplay idea you need nothing more than the lotion you already keep by your bedside—though you can experiment with various lubes, oils, or massage candles—and be prepared for things to heat up quickly.
9. Dress up.
Sometimes kinky sex is all about escapism. It can be a massive turn-on to move away your everyday roles and routines in order to become a sexier, more daring version of yourself, even if it’s only temporary. If you find that you’re living your days in sweats, dressing up right before you get naked can be a good way to get yourself in the mood. And why not try a uniform? If you’re looking to get out of a rut, dressing up as a doctor or a French maid could be a sexually kinky way to pull yourself out of a funk.
10. Spank them.
Spanking can be hot. That being said, it’s best not to give a whop out of nowhere that will just startle your partner and kill the moment. Next time you’re having that kind of passionate, animalistic sex, give them a light smack on the butt cheek with an open palm. If they seem into it, you can spank them a little harder. Studies have shown that arousal raises our pain threshold, so get after it! Just be sure to communicate with your partner before sex to understand their level of interest in this kind of touch.
11. Or pull their hair.
Don’t underestimate the appeal of a firm tug on your partner’s hair. The next time they’re going down on you, run your fingers through their hair and get a grip. Give it a gentle pull and see how they like it. The trick to making it feel good rather than hurt is to grab a bigger handful hair and to pull slowly and closer to the scalp.
12. Get loud.
Don’t be afraid to express sexual fantasies as loud as you can. There’s an incredible freedom in vocalizing what you want and how good you’re feeling—and your lover is definitely going to be all ears. If you need to drown out a little bit of the sound, shut those windows and crank up the music.
13. Let your partner watch you masturbate.
This definitely requires some boldness, but putting on a show by letting your significant other watch you pleasure yourself can be deeply empowering. Look straight into their eyes while you do it, and it won’t be long before they’re begging you to let them take over.
14. Drip hot oil on your partner with a massage candle.
Don’t be scared: Massage candles are safe and will not burn you. They’re specifically formulated to heat up and turn into a sensuous oil that you can rub all over your partner (just not inside your partner—it’s not meant to be used as lube). After the candle turns to liquid oil, blow it out and it will stay liquefied for 30 minutes, which is plenty of time to gently drip it onto your partner and give them a spicy rubdown.
15. Leave the windows open.
Engage in a little light exhibition by leaving the blinds open or the window cracked, depending on how far you want to take it. The juxtaposition of the outside world and your private, inner sexual play makes things all the more exciting.
16. Experiment with role play.
There’s a reason role play is one of the most common sex fantasies: It gives you a chance to let loose and act in a way that you wouldn’t necessarily behave ordinarily, and that’s incredibly freeing. “Role play can allow you to access your shadow self, the parts that we hide, suppress, or disown in ourselves,” says Kova. “It can help you touch parts of yourself that you are disconnected from or otherwise fear.”
